If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
