Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize