Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
even my farts smell like vagina
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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