nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
