tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
