Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
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