Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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