Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
