Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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