its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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