you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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