you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
