Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
