all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
