6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
