There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
wanna go halves on a baby?
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
