I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
