i may or may not be watching the land before time
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize