The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
