My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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