I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
