it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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