If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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