ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
