i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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