I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She's the barista slut.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
