I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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