ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I love how my cats smell like pot.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
