is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
