Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
