I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
