its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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