We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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