sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
