i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You took a bar mat shot.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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