...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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