okay pat passed out under dana's car
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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