Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
