one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
