If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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