yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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