My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
