i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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