did you get engaged???
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
