I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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