First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
