I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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