I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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