then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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