So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
