I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
