drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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