Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize