Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize