TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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