one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
