It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
