Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
