you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
