Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just had sex on a roof
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Randomize
