I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
