Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
did i walk over a car last night?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
