Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
