umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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