the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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