quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
