guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
