I'm going to jail i love you
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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