So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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