I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
