hotel room ftw
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize