i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Less talking, more tequila
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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