Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
