I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
