U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
