better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
