just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
