Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Drunk is not a location!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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