I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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