I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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