We need to rekindle our bromance
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
