Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize