And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
