I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize