I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
