I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
