So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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