Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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