if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
