hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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