so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
