just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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