before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
