cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
