why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
