Nicole vs. Life
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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