I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
