I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
