He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
