A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
