its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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