If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Randomize
