My cat gives me a boner
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Is Oprah even human
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
