you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
