Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
