mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
