He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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