you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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