yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
