woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
