im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
