Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
